I think the term “every cliché in the book” has become a bit of a cliché in and of itself, but if there were such a book, these guys found it, read it, reread it, and then plagiarized it. All of it. Every cliché in the book, as it were.

Just one more thing and then I’ll shut up. I’ve noticed that every natural disaster movie that’s released tries to out do its predecessor in terms of death toll. Twister (96) and Dante’s Peak (97) both wipe out various sized towns. Volcano (97) wipes out a major city. Deep Impact (98) and Armageddon (98) wipe out half the planet. The Day After Tomorrow (04) wipes out most of the planet. 2012 (09) …… I can’t say what happens, it would spoil the movie. Let’s just say, to beat it, the next natural disaster movie is going to have to wipe out the entire planet, repopulate it, then wipe it out again. I can’t wait.

Although I think Hollywood is dying a slow, painful (and well deserved) death, I love seeing all these modernized versions of older movies coming out, i.e., James Bond, Batman, and now Star Trek. Coincidentally, my daughter (11) has been showing more and more interest in the Star Trek franchise. She’s even been watching all the old Next Generation episodes. Last week, she was rummaging through a bunch of old VHS tapes (remember those) at her Grandfather’s house and found the complete set of the original Star trek movies. She’s been begging me to watch them ever since. What a little geekling.

Seven of Nine

“We are the Borg.” – My personal favorite. She is also what prompted me to create this illustrious list. I’ve been on a Star Trek Voyager kick for the last month or two and have decided to re-watch all the old episodes in chronological order. I never realized how utterly boring the show was until they added Seven of Nine to the cast of characters in the fourth season. This buxom Borg made the pain of enduring the previous seasons well worth it. Seven is a by far one of the more interesting characters I have come across in realm of science fiction.

Star Trek: Voyager

Kara Thrace

“Frak.” – Battlestar Galactica is, without a doubt, my favorite television show ever to be aired. When I first heard that they were remaking the original series, I was ecstatic. When I heard that the part of “Starbuck” was going to be played by a women, I was worried. Maybe even a little offended. But all my fears and doubts were laid to rest the moment I actually watched the show. Kara Thrace is a more complex version of the former Starbuck. She is also far better looking and much tougher than her male counterpart ever was. Sorry Dirk, Kara for the win.

Battlestar Galactica

Princess Leia Organa

“I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board.” – For all of you younglings out there still daydreaming about Padme, stop it. She couldn’t hold a candle to Princess Leia Organa (Skywalker) (Solo). At age 20, this young spitfire was the leader of the Rebel Alliance against the well established and all powerful Galactic Empire. She even told Grand Moff Tarkin that he stank, right to his face. Let’s see Padme do that! Oh, and this is all while she was being escorted by the Dark Lord of the Sith, the most feared being in the universe. Don’t be fooled by her cute little buns people. By that I mean hair buns naturally. This princess is the kick ass mother of all sci-fi women to follow. Except for Padme of course, who actually is her mother…

Star Wars: A New Hope – Empire Strikes Back – Return of the Jedi

Leeloo

“Multipass.” – Every geek, male or female, has had a crush on Leeloo at some point in their life. Perhaps it’s her flowing orange hair or the fact that her whole outfit looks like one big distorted belt. Maybe it’s her cute incoherent babble or her innocent blue eyes. No, it’s more likely the fact that she could kill you without even breaking a sweat. Sweet and deadly, sort of like a twinkie.

The Fifth Element

Trinity

“Dodge this.” – Finally, this brings us to one of the most celebrated female characters in the realm of science fiction, Trinity. The Matrix spawned a slew of iconic figures and Trinity is at the top of that list. Clad in latex, this cyber-goth-goddess is one hacker that isn’t to be trifled with.

The Matrix – The Matrix Reloaded – The Matrix Revolutions

And there you have it, my top five greatest women in sci-fi list is complete. This list was not an easy one to make mind you. Quite a few of my favorite sci-fi vixens didn’t make the cut for various reasons. Take the women of Firefly for instance. After BSG, Firefly could be my favorite TV series, and a lot of that had to do with the great cast, both male and female. Alas, I didn’t feel that as individuals they could bump anyone off this list. Sorry girls. Below are some of the other gals that almost broke into the top 5, but were snubbed out at the last minute.

The Runners-Up

	Sarah Connor – Terminator 1 & 2
	Max Guevera – Dark Angel
	Mystique – X-Men 1, 2, & 3
	Ripley – Alien, Aliens, Alien 3, & Alien Resurrection
	Lara Croft – Tomb Raider 1 & 2

Discuss or post your own list here…

That’s it. Do you dare disagree with my sci-fi expertise? Post your own list here.

See what a great liar I am? The reality is I usually never admit to my mistakes and I bury the truth deep within the bowels of my soul, hoping that no one ever discovers my dark little secret. Alas, I made an error in judgment that I feel I need to address. Back in October I reviewed a movie called Serenity. I stick by my review for the most part. It’s my thoughts about the T.V. show Firefly that I wanted to amend.

As I said in my review, Firefly is the T.V. show leading up to the movie Serenity. I also mentioned that I watched it and hated it. However, I never really gave the show a fair shake. I only watched the first episode, which I read recently was never intended to be the first episode. Fox, in their infinite wisdom, decided to shuffle the order in which the series would be aired. After Serenity came out I decided to make good on my promise and give the show another chance. I am so glad I did. I rented all the discs from my local video store and watched the entire season in a week. I loved the show so much that I bought the DVD set and watched the entire season again. GEEK! I know, but it could possibly be one of the best sci-fi shows ever. As a matter of fact, I don’t think the term sci-fi best describes this show.

My initial reason for not liking the show was due to its western motif. I’m still not a huge fan of that per se, but the characters Joss Whedon created are so much greater than the environment they are in. The characters in Firefly are so entertaining and interesting (and completely original) that I quickly forgot what it was that turned me off about the show in the first place.

There, I’m glad I got that off my chest. Now I can sleep at night. I’m also half way through season 2 of BSG and I’m loving every second of it. For those of you have not yet seen it, I would highly recommend it. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m afraid I’ve already said too much.

You quicken your pace to ensure your dominance over the little slice of heaven that awaits you. Blinded by delight, you bustle through the crowd with a blatant disregard for gracefulness. When out of nowhere, bam, you stub your toe on the coin dispensing machine. I’m not talking about a light graze of the big toe here. I’m talking about the stub to end all stubs. The kind that sends shock waves through your body. So what do you do? Bottle it up? No, that’s a one way ticket to serial killerville. And screaming words like “HECK” or “SUGAR” just don’t cut it. In fact, sometimes it makes you even more angry for saying something so stupid. Well don’t fret little one because I have a solution for you. Allow me to let you in on a little secret that sci-fi writers have used for years to baffle and confuse the TV censors while still maintaining the power and audacity of the curse word. I truly believe that we can use this same formula in real life situations.

Below, I’ve compiled a small list of curse words used in popular science fiction TV shows and movies. These words used to be reserved for the geek elite. Oxymoron you say? I think not. Try these words in any real life situation and feel the satisfaction you receive while at the same time preserving your self-respect.

• Goram - from the T.V. show Firefly – A very nice word to add to your arsenal.
• Ruttin - from the T.V. show Firefly – Another word I really enjoy tossing around.
• Frag - from the T.V. show Babylon 5 – Not bad, but there are too many other meanings for Frag.
• Dren - from the T.V. show Farscape – You’ll find that this word adds a bit of color to any conversation.
• Frell - from the T.V. show Farscape – Be careful with this one, it’s very powerful.
• Nerf Herder – from the movie Star Wars – I’m not sure these are actually considered curse words, but I am sure you don’t want to be called one.
• Frak - from the T.V. show Battlestar Galactica – My personal favorite. I frak’n use it all the time.

Commit these pseudo swears to memory and you will never be caught in that awkward curse-free position again. Not at Chuck E. Cheese, not at Disney World, not even in your sons kindergarten class.

“Stop throwing the frakking playdough Tommy.”

See how easy it is, and fulfilling. But don’t stop reading yet, I saved the best for last. I’ve actually created the ultimate curse word and I plan to unveil it right here, right now, on this website. It wasn’t easy. As a matter of fact, it’s still in the beta testing phase, so I take no responsibility if anything were to go wrong. Use it wisely and responsibly my friends. Are you ready for it? Can you take the suspense?

Wow. This my friends is the swiss army knife of curse words. It’s compact, and yet delivers a powerful punch. Hate your job? Crunk it! Have a problem with me? Crunk you! Hit your thumb with a hammer? Son of a Crunk! Perhaps you like to talk dirty to your lady friends. Hey baby, you look Crunkolicous!….. Snap!

Now I know this word has other meanings in the world of slang, but none so profound as what I’m offering. I mean come on, drunk and high? Crunk? Please! This word is far to intense for such a lame definition. Consider what I’m trying to create.

It’s bold enough to stop your target in it’s tracks, and yet subtle enough to fly under most radars. Let me give you a real life example I use at work.

{phone ringing}

Me >>
Hello, how can I help you?

Customer >>
Yeah, how do you justify the fact that your prices are much higher than your competitors? Maybe I’ll just take my business elsewhere.

Me >>
Listen, what the crunk to you want from me!! We need to make some crunkin money too you know. Crunk It!

Customer >>
{silence}

At this point the customer is disoriented. He is trying to comprehend what just happened. Let’s continue.

Me >>
Listen Sir, I’m sorry about my outburst and I see your point. Perhaps we should just forget this call ever took place.

Customer >>
Oh, umm, okay. Thank you. I really appreciate it. I’ll send my payment in right away.

Me >>
Not a problem. Have a nice day sir.

Customer >>
Thank you, you too.

Me >>
………crunk

Customer >>
{silence}

Me >>
//click//

As you can see, “Crunk” is a very useful word for all kinds of situations. Feel free to use the above example as a template. But that’s not all, if you act now I’ll throw in my level two curse word Schmint. This versatile word can be used as a stand-alone swear:

“It smells like schmint in here!!”

Or used in combination with others:

“You crunking son of a schmint!”

See how the two words complement each other so well. With a little practice you can put together more complex sentences like the one below:

“I frakked the crunk out of that schminter!”

Ouch. A little warning though, don’t try something like this until you’ve mastered the art of sci-fi cursing. We don’t want any accidents.

Now that you have the basic formula for success, go out into the world and put it to practice. Good luck to you all. And always remember our motto, “Is that crunk I smell?” “When in doubt, crunk it!” “May the Schmint be with you.”. Well, we don’t really have a motto, but good luck anyways.

So why did I go see this movie if I didn’t particularly like the TV show? Because I’m a sucker for space operas. I can’t not see them. While where at it I should admit to a couple of other soft spots I have. I love movies with women that kick ass, martial arts, and that showcase camaraderie. I tend to let my guard down a bit when when reviewing movies that have one or more of those characteristics. I’m ashamed to admit that there are more than a handful of movies that slipped into my DVD collection that otherwise would not be there considering my strict and often ruthless guideline to what I consider to be a great movie.

Serenity, to my pleasant surprise, had a bit of all four of those characteristics. Now that you know that, you must have deduced that I may be a bit wishy washy with this review and that you should take it with a grain of salt. I would agree with you. The movie had average special effects, sub-par acting, and a mediocre plot, but I still enjoyed it very much. It will definitely end up in my DVD collection. If you can get by the many flaws of the movie and strip away the layers of blah, what you have at the core is a fun shoot’m up space saga that does a good job of keeping you guessing. I would love to be able to rave about how great the special effects were and how deep the plot is, but I can’t. They were simply okay. But okay seemed to work just fine. Let’s get real for a second here. My grandmother isn’t coming to see this movie. As a matter of fact I can’t think of one member of my rather gigantic family that would come to see this movie. This movie isn’t for them. It’s for me and space geeks like me. And for us, it was a pretty fulfilling ride.

The cast of Serenity consists of the original cast of Firefly. You won’t see any Oscar nominations here, but the chemistry and the diversity of the actors seemed to work extremely well. As a rule I try not to get too deep about the plot or the characters in my movie reviews, but I feel I must mention Summer Glau. The movie is worth seeing just for her. Not necessarily her performance, but for the character she played. (Although her performance was hands down the best in the film.) She plays a character called River Tam. Let’s just say that she is what Jessica Alba’s character should have been in that other failure of a TV show, Dark Angel. Minus the psychic ability of course. I honestly got goose bumps watching some of her scenes. That’s all I’ll say though. You’ll have to see the movie for yourself to see what I mean.

I’m glad I saw Serenity and I would definitely go see the sequel. If I had to give it a tag line I would say it was a “fun-filled, adventurous space saga that is caught somewhere between cheesy and epic”. Kind of a broad statement I now, but I’m a bit out of practice. All in all I think Joss Wedon got it right. It makes me wonder if I was to harsh on the original Firefly series. I think it’s time to revisit the old show and give it a second chance. What the hell, it’s only $3.00 to rent at my local video store. Why not?

// Update: My new thoughts on Firefly //